The New Fourm

Okay so, in my effort to Read More Books and Stop Being Addicted To Computer Screen, I have been rereading some books I liked as a kid. I already rambled in the chat about Digital Fortress, but I have four other Dan Brown books!

So I started rereading Deception Point, which heavily involves NASA, those scoundrels! (Actually kind of amusing that the previous book was about the NSA and this one is about NASA). The main character is another beautiful woman and she has a dad who is a slimey Republican senator and I'm pretty sure there's a Monica Lewinsky subplot.

Tbh I do find these pretty engaging to read, especially because I read them so long ago that I only remember parts, but like there's objectively so many Incorrect Things in them that it's fun to goof about them. Although it might've been easier for me to see how bonkers Digital Fortress was since it was about computers.

So many things wrong? Star, how could you say such a thing about the most realistic technothriller of the 21st century???

It's because I love SLANDER and I'm made of WICKEDNESS (like most normal humans are).

Hell yes tell me all about Dan Brown Star !

I have not been doing well (physically) but I have a small update and that's that the main character in Deception Point has to go on board Air Force One and she's like "wow this thing is like a flying phallus... a big dick... like the president waving his manhood in a woman's face..." like ok Dan we get it XD

ok this book is so much more insane than the previous one because the slimey senator guy really is slimey (and a senator). His assistant is Black and he goes on about how beautiful and smart she is and how she's light-skinned enough to be tolerable, and also he's not paying her (she's getting EXPERIENCE) and also he slept with her and she regretted it. The senator guy also internally had the thought that maybe she knows so much about what's going on in politics because she's giving blowjobs in the White House which like maybe she is but there's been no indication that she would do that and it just sounds misogynist. Also he said that "[F slur] shouldn't even be able to vote"

The senator also really hates NASA and is campaigning on defunding them. Worst person you know made a good point. Jk I have nothing against the real NASA, only the fake one that's taking photographs of you know what.

"Our cost for the ISS project," Sexton announced, "has risen from the proposed eight billion to a staggering one hundred billion dollars!"

The caller sounded furious. "Why the hell doesn't the President pull the plug?"

Sexton could have kissed the guy.

Yeah but then you'd lose your right to vote.

A drudge, Gabrielle had learned the hard way, was the political equivalent of leaking information that your rival used a penis enlarger or subscribed to Stud Muffin magazine.

Hey uh what's a penis enlarger and where can I get one.

"I will admit," the President continued, "NASA has been a walking disaster area lately. Every time I turn around, they give me yet another reason to slash their funding."

Yeah every time he turns around he sees another one of their big cameras on peering down at his crotch from the moon.

TBH I think this book actually did influence what I thought about NASA when I was in middle school. I thought they really were just getting nothing done and were about to shut down or something. Kinda sad.

After donning a thermal flight suit over her clothes, Rachel found herself climbing into the cockpit. Awkwardly, she wedged her hips into the narrow seat.

"NASA obviously has no fat-assed pilots," she said.

And the she breasted boobily and titted downstairs. Like, I guess it could be accurate that in the 90s they were only designing military craft with male bodies in mind, but.... Sorry I got distracted thinking about male bodies.

She was supposed to be at a desk writing gists. Now she was straddling a testosterone-fueled torpedo and breathing through an oxygen mask.

For real what are you talking about. Dan Brown is constantly making references to sexuality in his prose and it's wild. I don't think I noticed it at all when I was a kid.

hatkirby wrote: Thu May 15, 2025 5:23 pm Hey uh what's a penis enlarger and where can I get one.

;)

I haven't read much in the last week because idk, but here are some updates:

The robotic tone of the CrypTalk was eerie -- inorganic and androgynous. "What is your op status?"

Technically post-op but I'm thinking about other stuff, the journey never ends.

There's now two kinds of women in the Dan Brown universe: beautiful business babes whose thin legs can't hold up their massive heads, and ugly hideous rotting crones (who are also geniuses). The narration just went off on how ugly the President's senior advisor is, and it keeps getting brought back up. The senator guy is like "if there was ever a face that should stick to radio". Like ok we get it. JAUNDICED. They keep calling her jaundiced.

Dan Brown also refers to the main character's fear of open bodies of water as hydrophobia, which I guess is a fair mistake to make, especially pre-Wikipedia, but as far as I know hydrophobia is when a substance can't get wet.

He also just dropped -- out of nowhere -- that the NRO used satellites to scan for areas of Europe with uneven density, in order to find mass burial sites and determine whether or not ethnic cleansing was happening. Huh??

Loser Dan Brown doesn't even know the word for Thalassophobia. If ever there was a pen that should have stuck to drawing. Positively jaundiced.